I feel so empty. I feel like nothing in my life makes sense anymore. I hate it. I seem 2b stuck in the past. I want 2 go back so bad. Sometimes, late at night... I stay up and just pray. I pray that when I wake up the next morning it will b june of 2004 agen. I wish this so hard, I end up dreaming of being back in highschool almost every night. I wanted the dream 2 last, 2 never stop. Sometimes I even wish that I won't wake up.
Back then, I was the one being all optimistic of what's 2 come wen almost all of my friends r afraid of having 2 start a new life in college. I was the one always telling them that's its gonna b okay. Well, it turns out that they are okay. But not me. Im so depressed. I miss my friends. Of what we had back then. Its so sad 2 think that u hav d same people around u, but somehow...they're not the one u knew way back then. They hav a different life, and they all seem 2b enjoying it. And Im the only one who can't seem 2 get her act 2gether. What's my problem anyway? I guess my problem is...im not happy. And its not about wanting any material or physical wealth... its about having ur old friends back. Its about doing what u love 2 do. And not being forced in2 doing something ur not in2. And I dont even want 2 blame nursing 4 this. Because I know, that if my friends are bsyd me, I'll b okay with it. But they're not. And that's what sucks. It sucks. Its so awful, it makes me cry night after night. I dont want 2 live anymore. There's no point. And if only u can feel half of what im feeling ryt now? I bet ul cry with me... im so sad.
Last nyt? I had this talk with my mom, I told her that Im not happy. And I asked her "what did I miss?" because everyone seems like they're having the time of their lives and Im stuck in the past. She told me "Wla. Kaso, tapos na un. Ganun tlaga. Hindi mo na mababalik un." and that's it. I turned my back on her. Because I didnt want her 2 see the tears falling from my eyes.
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